What is the hardest part of raising up a young leader?
For me, it’s not the moments when they mess up. It’s not the moments when they don’t meet your expectations. It’s not the moment when they make a different decision than you would. It’s the moment you have to say goodbye.
I was with a young woman I have been discipling for many years when a very important man in the room walked up to her. Leaning in, he asked her, “What is your five year plan? I would like to talk with you about your future.”
This is the moment you hope for: when others begin to see the beautiful leader within the young person, which you have seen all along. It’s the moment when they are “discovered.” When all of those years of training and learning and growing come together. But the launch can be the hardest because it involves a form of goodbye. (Even if you’re fortunate to partner with the leader you’ve helped raise up, there is still a kind of parting.)
Related: How mentoring can change today’s narrative of young people and the church
If I’m honest, there is always a moment of wanting to cling on—also a moment of selfish wishing that the relationship could stay the same. Perhaps most accurately, it’s the feeling of being left behind. Most parents feel this when sending a child to school, clapping through tears on graduation day, wishing the new couple well, or any number of other bittersweet partings.
With every launch, there is a little bit of breath holding. Did I teach them all they need to know? Will I ever hear from them again? Will they remember me?
But in the end, I am reminded that this is the way of the body of Christ. There’s always a need for receiving and sending—for teaching, preparing, and launching. We see this in the way Jesus taught and sent out his disciples, and later in the way that Paul mentored Timothy and others. This is the way incredible leaders are born, stepping into leadership on their own after having been trained and equipped to do exactly that. And it’s truly a blessing to serve in that sending seat.
I am reminded that every good hero story usually involves a guide on the side. One who is the voice—sometimes cherished and sometimes despised—lending support so that the hero can, in the end, defeat the odds, overcome evil, and win on behalf of all things good.
For all leaders raising up the next generation today, this is our job description: to raise up, equip, and send out in trust. Our purpose is to plant and water; God will bring the growth and increase (1 Corinthians 3:6-8). With this, I am convinced that the “goodbye” of a mentoring relationship truly is good. And, in the parting, there is blessing for both parties, for “goodbye” is a shortening of “God be with you.”
Rev. Annalise Radcliffe
Annalise Radcliffe is the director of discipleship and church innovation for the Reformed Church in America. She is passionate about intergenerational ministry and believes that youth ministry is the work of the whole church, not just the youth pastor. She and her husband, Ron, are planting pastors of City Chapel in Grand Rapids, Michigan. You can connect with Anna by email at aradcliffe@rca.org.
